Solitude
by Pudding Earl
Summary: Sawada Tsunayoshi found himself drawn closer to the existence and being of Vongola Primo, with an increasing familiarity that even he could not shake off. But when the one person he depends on deserts him in his time of need, the world that he and many others before him had built up vanishes before his eyes.


SOLITUDE

_"I rather you be water than sand slipping through my fingers -_

_at least I'll have some remnants of you." _

- x -

"I feel like I've known you forever."

The confession fell from his lips as if he's said it a thousand times before. It was the line that had been said and repeated between them for many, many times without being spoken. The Italian summer breeze, humid and sweat-inducing, swept into the room again, rustling papers and clothing before rushing out. Always in a hurry, the wind. It was always needed somewhere, even as uncomfortable as it could be around this time of year. He felt the sweat on his neck, the thin fabric of his shirt collar soaking through slowly. A pause, a pause that spanned a second but was an eternity, and then, there was the familiar, ever-spectral touch, and then a grasping of his hand. Eyes. Those eyes again. He had to stop looking at them, but at the same time, they drew him in, like the sweeping current of a river dragging its helpless victim downstream. Life stirred in those eyes, life of flames and warmth and destruction, before a small smile appeared. He felt his own lips tug into a replica of the smile, and then a breath that was as warm as it was cold brushed on his face.

"You couldn't have." Arms encased him, with his sudden confusion and oblivion. The breeze choked him, and he looked back, hair brushing against ghostly locks. Awareness. It always struck him odd how much he hated the feeling, and yet, he did not dare live without it. As if he could just throw away his life to live a carefree one. Tension, with its familiar strings, pulled tight again, before the fingers, gentle and skilled, relaxed them away from his body again. A silent apology, but he realized that there was truth in those words. And now that he had seen, he couldn't let go of it. "Give it a bit of time, perhaps..." There was an almost obvious tone of reassurance in those words. False reassurance? He did not know- or perhaps he did not want to dwell over that matter at all. "Time. I meant no offense."

There was a firm grip of the apparitional hand. "I know." As if he could say anything else, honestly. Because, in the end, between them, there was nothing else that could be said. Nothing. Once there had been lively talks, enthusastic chattering and laughter, even, at the most ridiculous subjects, but now, there was no need for that. Like salt dissolving into water, the two had dissolved into one another until both remained, and yet did not. Talking did not mean much when one could feel the endless stream of thoughts, the uninterrupted flow of emotions, and the constant state of activity within the mind. It didn't matter much at all. But somehow, it didn't diminish its importance.

A knock at the door pulled him from his thoughts. "Juudaime?" Almost automatically, the spectral figure beside him disappeared like a candle that had burned out its wick. The door clicked open, and Gokudera found his boss in a familiar daze. Over the years, he had learned to read Tsuna's many expressions and interpret what was behind them. This look was not much different. It took a few seconds for Tsuna to turn away from his open window and give Gokudera a smile. "Everything's ready. Dino's almost there, so you can start heading out."

"Got it." The twenty-six year-old brunette replied, getting up from his seat slowly before catching the car keys that Gokudera tossed in his direction. "I'll trust you to look after things here."

"Of course."

It was so easy to get lost. Sawada Tsunayoshi's gaze flicked back and forth from his map, spread over the steering wheel of his car, to the roads again. Yes, Italian roads. They made little sense and the signs even less so. Perhaps it had been a better idea to walk, but he had wanted to get back quicker, and that turned out to be quite successful for him. Sighing, he gave up on the map. It wasn't helping him at all- he had turned it at just about every single angle to decipher it, but to no avail. Perhaps the locals would be able to give him directions instead. Why did Dino have to choose such an obscure place? Through his frustration, the ring on his right hand flickered feebly, the silvery metal warming against his skin. Giotto was the usual sadist, forever laughing at his headaches. "Not like you'd know the horrors of driving," Tsuna muttered under his breath as he pulled over, the ring still flickering mischieviously. You'd think that age would give _some_ people some more common sense. Evidently not.

"_Mi scusi, signorina_?" Leaning out of his car window, Tsuna was able to catch the attention of a short black-haired girl, who looked over at him with a small, cautious smile as she hugged the bag of groceries she was carring closer to her chest. Tsuna tried to look as friendly as he could. "_Sapete dove posso trovare un ristorante chiamato 'Sera Nebbia'_?"

The girl looked confused, and then a set of broken Italian came pouring out of her mouth. "_No... Non par-parlo italiano, signore_." There was a familiar wispy accent about her Italian, an accent that Tsuna was well-aquainted with by now. Was this girl Japanese? Talk about coincidences. She did look the part, though, now that Tsuna was taking a closer look at her. _'Kind of pretty, too.'_ Suddenly, the Vongola ring burned about his finger, and he flinched, a shaky laugh at his lips as a playful voice echoed in his head.

"_I'm still here, you know_."

_'Like I can get rid of you,'_ Tsuna thought as his attention switched back to the girl. "Do you know the way to a restaurant called '_Sera Nebbia'_, miss?" he asked, this time in Japanese. A wave of relief and understanding now swept through the girl's face, and she smiled before pointing a few blocks down at a crowd of food vendors.

"If you mean the bar, then it's down that alleyway there," she said, gathering the brown bag of celery and tomatoes as her hand returned to support the bag. "I'd always thought that bars were closed during the day, though..." Tsuna shrugged in reply. It wouldn't matter, as often times such places were used as meeting places when they were closed, since no one would be hanging around them when they weren't open. "Ne, I didn't think I'd meet someone Japanese so quickly out here," the girl went on to say, evidently happy that she'd met a familiar stranger. "I'm moving in with my grandmother, but I honestly don't know any Italian at all, it's quite nerve-wracking when people just stop by and ask me things because I don't understand a thing..."

"I see," Tsuna said, discreetly checking his watch as the girl jabbered on. "I'm afraid I have to go, however... thanks for the directions."

He parked in a nearby parking lot, and then started heading towards the alleyway that the girl had pointed out for him. The smells of freshly baked bread, fried foods, and cinnamon buns ran through the air as he made his way to the alleyway, until the stench of rotting garbage seeped through Tsuna's nostrils as he entered the alleyway. Huh. One should think that Dino would have picked a better place to plan this meeting with the other boss, honestly. Well, this was better than the smell of rotting bodies, at least, so Tsuna was not about to complain just yet. For the most part, the alleyway was clear of people, and only the residue of waste laid in wet puddles along the sides, leaving Tsuna to walk near the middle, where it was cleared out. Filthy. There was no other way to describe these sorts of places. Tsuna could feel the stiff tension in the air, and he grimanced. The less time he spent here, the better. There was something unsettling about this place.

_"Are you sure it's here?" _The silky voice whispered in his head, edged with concern. Tsuna took in the feebly blinking neon light over a rather inconspicuous set of black wooden doors before nodding solemnly. It had to be here. Tsuna only wished that this wasn't his destination as he pushed open the heavy door.

Inside, the lingering smell of alcohol and smoke invaded Tsuna's nostrils. It was dark, and the only light in the room came from the lamp that shone from the receptionist's podium. Bars and clubs always had one for some reason, though Tsuna didn't recall ever coming into the occasion of needing a receptionist when such places were up for business. A girl (was that a girl?) with dirty green hair that covered most of her face stood behind the desk, looking bored and tired with dark rings underneath her (or his) eyes. Numerous scars and bandages also lined her face, making it difficult to tell what her real features were. Yellow eyes flashed at Tsuna as he entered, and the young mafia boss cleared his throat before pulling at his tie. A snakelike smile crept over the receptionist's lips, and she (or he?) stepped from the podium and gestured for him to follow, most likely to one of the private rooms where the meeting was to take place. The familiar rush of anticipation and fear accompanied him, along with the raw adrenaline that ran through his veins. Today, it felt harder than ever to push those feelings out of his head, where they got in his way. Meetings. This was going to be like any other one... so why couldn't he clear his thoughts?

So perhaps, this was how it felt to be trapped in one's mind.

The receptionist led Tsuna down a series of hallways (which was, as Tsuna noticed, much to his dismay, with smashed glass bottles and condoms) before stopping in front of the door at the end of the hallway. Through experience, Tsuna deducted it to be the largest meeting room, usually reserved for special guests or the mafia. Well, this time, it was certainly the latter. With a click of the key, the receptionist opened the door and gestured for Tsuna to enter. A chill ran through the brunette's figure, but he walked in anyway. There was nothing else he could do, anyway. With the closing of the door behind him, Tsuna could only walk forward.

It took a bit for Tsuna's eyes to adjust to the darkened room. However, he soon made out two leather couches and armchairs that were around an elegant glass coffee table. A bottle of brandy and crystal glasses that sparkled despite the dim lighting were set on the table, and Tsuna could vaguely make out the several figures already in the room. There was the unmistakenable blonde hair of Dino, who gave Tsuna a discreet but encouraging look, and next to him, the familiar flash of glasses that belonged to none other than Romario. The other promident figure was the white-haired man that sat on the couch, and next to him, a young blue-haired girl who looked no more than thirteen. Did the other boss bring his daughter as well? Tsuna didn't recall reading that in the invitation, but... well. Unexpected things tended to happen quite a lot, and by now, he was used to it. Blood pounding in his ears, Tsuna took one of the free armchairs and settled into the soft but cold leather seat, hoping that the darkened room was enough to hide his discomfort. The familiar warmth that followed him seemed to be gone. For once, he wanted that presence back.

"So this is the famed Vongola Decimo..." The white-haired man said, fingers running through the long blue locks of the girl that was sitting by him, who gave an annoyed look and stuck her bottom lip out in a pout. Huh. She was probably a snobby one. Tsuna turned his attention back to the white-haired man, wondering if his white suit spoke of his inner intentions as well. Probably not. In the mafia, such symbolism existed only in the mind and was nothing more. Why was he thinking so much, anyway?

The brown-haired mafia boss waved away the comment before crossing his legs casually. "And you must be... the Milliefiore _don,_" he replied, eyes darting over to Dino for a moment. Was he on edge too, or was it all in Tsuna's head today?

The white-haired man's lips curled into a devilish smirk. "Byakuran will do, Vongola."

The man was clearly a talker. Unfortunately, Tsuna wasn't much in the mood for casual conversation. "Yes. Now that we're acquainted, I want to see what's going on with the negotiations." Fingers tapped onto the lush leather armchair.

"Negotiations?" There was a sharper edge to Byakuran's voice now, though the smile stayed true to his lips. "I don't know what you're talking about."

"Don Millefiore, I prefer you not to make any jokes with me." Tsuna's tolerance meter for the man was dropping by the second. "Dino can tell you just how my representatives were treated at the most recent meeting." Dino shifted uncomfortably in his armchair, but his expression did not soften.

"It's not exactly the friendly standard procedure to attack representatives at a negotiation," Dino said evenly, fingers swirling along the edge of his glass. "I was hoping you'd understand that, even if you're a new _don_, Byakuran."

"Oh, but Dino-byon, Byakuran never said anything about being _friendly_!"

Tsuna could have sworn he heard contempt in the girl's voice. Did the Millefiore not consider the Vongola as an ally at all? Tsuna's thoughts raced about his head. No, he was jumping to conclusions, he must be. Because if the Millefiore was not an ally, then it was most certainly foe. He couldn't afford any more mistakes. Silence dominated the room before Byakuran laughed, a hearty little chuckle that drove shivers down Tsuna's spine.

"No, I never did say anything like that ~ "

Tsuna's blood ran cold in his veins as that smile that wasn't a smile graced Byakuran's face again. Dino opened his mouth to speak again, but from the darkness a pair of hands grappled out, silencing him as Tsuna got onto his feet. This meeting was no longer friendly. There was no reason to hold back. Taking a breath, Tsuna closed his eyes and willed the hidden energy, held back within him, to surface. But there was nothing. Nothing. There was no restrictions to grasp at to release that energy- what the-

"Ara, Tsunayoshi-kun, that won't work." Opening his eyes in panic, Tsuna read the mocking look in Byakuran eyes. He had been expecting it. Was this a trap? Somehow, Tsuna felt the impulse to punch the man in front of him. His legs were already getting up and moving towards Byakuran when a pair of arms, strong and unyielding, grabbed him from the back and held him in place. The rough texture of roping could be felt, and Tsuna struggled against then, willing his hidden strength to come to him again. But it only gave him more of a headache, and - God, why couldn't he get through these ropes?

"Cute." Byakuran laughed, as Tsuna was subquesently bound and gagged before he was thrown unceremoniously back into the armchair. Never had the soft leather felt so confining and restrictive. Dino's weapons were taken from him, tossed aside in a corner, and Romario was nowhere to be seen. Tsuna's eyes couldn't penetrate the darkness, or the stifling air that the room was locked in.

"So helpless! Ne, ne, they always have that kind of expression before they die, don't they, Byakuran-sama?" The blue-haired girl giggled, as she hopped onto Tsuna's lap and ran her long, icy fingers through his hair. Tsuna struggled against her touch, but she was surprisingly strong, her grip uneasy to break from.

"Helpless, when the one thing you depend on isn't there, haha ~ " Byakuran laughed, drawing something from his pocket. It flashed in the darkness, and then Tsuna realized that it was a blade. Oh, God. Twenty-five years, gone down the drain in one foolish decision. Why had he not taken anyone with him? Why couldn't he have just figured it out beforehand? Why couldn't he see the obvious flaws in this meeting? Why? Tsuna hadn't panicked like this in years. No, no. Usually someone was there to talk to. Always. There was always someone to talk to, someone to depend on. No matter what, Tsuna was never alone.

_Was._

The knife made its way to Dino's throat, where it flashed misheviously, mocking Tsuna for his uselessness as he struggled again, the effort only causing him to slide off the couch into a disheveled heap on the ground. Dino. Not Dino, not Dino. His eyes betrayed his inner turmoil, his horror, his fear. Dino's expression was so difficult to read, or maybe it was because Tsuna had such a strange angle, looking up from the floor. A calm facade, definitely. Dino was so much more experienced, and it was all his fault that he was to die here, now. Here, to be slaughtered like a pig, before he could accomplish everything he wanted to. There was a bitter shaking of the blonde head before a splattering of red dotted Tsuna's vision.

- x -

A/N: I need to stop writing new fanfic before I finish my old stuff...


End file.
